Nutty
by Suzuriin
Summary: Phoenix always considered Maya a bit of a nutcase. This time, it's maybe a bit too literal. Mindless, Genfic crack :D


This was completely inspired by a scene in, I think, episode two of 'My Name Is Earl', season two. Because I could totally see Maya pulling the scene off xD. If anyone gets the reference, good for you! If anyone doesn't, don't worry, you're not missing out on some great in-joke that only 'My Name Is Earl' fans would get :D.

Also, the defendant's name was taken from that great list of pun names by 'Car Talk'. If _anyone_ out there gets _that _reference, I'd die from amusement xD.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, settings, or references. I'm just borrowing them for your entertainment and my boredom.

EDIT: Fixed some over-looked typos :3

* * *

Phoenix stood impatiently at the doorway, staring up at the crackling light bulb closest to Wright and Co. Offices' window. It kept flickering on and off, creating a temporary dark spot in the office every few seconds. It just so happened that the dying light bulb (which, Phoenix thought, really should get around to being replaced) was the most exciting thing happening in the office at the moment. 

"Maya, are you sure you're not dying in there?" Phoenix called, brushing back a few stray strands of hair that had fallen out of his carefully gelled spikes.

"No, I'm _not_" Maya called back impatiently, appearing at the doorway of the Office's kitchen, with her hands firmly placed on her hips and her face an impatient scowl. "Be patient, Nick! I'm trying to find something really important!" she sighed, turning back into the, very cramped, kitchen

"_Poor Polly Esther" _Phoenix thought, thinking of his latest defendant, Polly Esther Fabrique; a rich, easily stressed, fashion designer who is the main suspect in her brother's murder. Even though he had only met her once, he knew how violently she'd react to him and Maya arriving at the trial, oh, about thirty minutes late.

A few moments later, Maya emerged from the kitchen, looking pleased with herself. "I got it, Nick!" she exclaimed, patting the side of her bag. Phoenix raised an eyebrow and began walking out of the office, with Maya a few feet behind.

"What is it? The last, vital piece of evidence that unlocks all the mysteries to this case?" Phoenix asked, as Maya caught up.

"No!" Maya scoffed, looking stunned at Phoenix's unawareness of her great plan "Why would that be in our kitchen?"

"_I won't even go into this conversation…"_ Phoenix thought, walking down the flight of stairs that led to the front door. "So, what do you have, then?" he asked, waiting for a cab to pull up.

"This!" Maya exclaimed, pulling out a large walnut. Phoenix raised both of his eyebrows this time.

"What about it?"

Maya's triumphant expression turned into one of amusement and mischief.

"Wait and see, Nick, wait and see" she grinned.

* * *

Polly Esther gripped the sides of the witness stand, sweating bullets as the entire courtroom stared at her, waiting for the final verdict. The judge raised his gavel, and brought it down with a thud. His voice rang loud and clear throughout the courtroom. 

"Not Guilty!"

Polly Esther's tensed body slumped down in relief, and confetti flew from the rafters. Winston Payne glared at Phoenix and Maya, who were hi-fiving, and quickly left the courtroom. Tears of happiness could be spotted from Polly Esther's eyes as she muttered 'Thank god…" over and over again.

As the members of the gallery began to file out of the room, Maya hopped out from the Defence's bench and walked up from the judge's chair. The remaining members of the gallery, Polly Esther and the bailiff looked up at her as she approached the judge, protruding the walnut from her bag.

"_Now I know what she's up to" _Phoenix thought as he let out a heavy sigh.

"Hey, your Honour, sir! Remember me, Maya Fey?" Maya asked as she reached the judge "I'm the defence's aide, and I've been the defendant a few times, too!"

The puzzled looking judge gave Maya a good look. "Ah, yes, I do remember now!"

"_How could he forget?!"_ Phoenix thought, sadly, expecting no less from the judge.

"Could you do me a favour, your Honour?" Maya asked, rocking back and forth on the soles of her feet.

"Certainly!" the judge replied, nodding.

"Can you get your hammer, and crack this open?" she asked holding up the nut, grinning madly. The judge looked slightly taken aback, eyeing Phoenix for a moment, as if he was behind this.

"_Your Honour, I can assure you, I had no say in this…" _Phoenix thought to himself, again, expecting no less from the judge, as he walked down from the Defence's bench.

"Well, I guess there's no harm…" the judge said thoughtfully, taking the walnut from Maya and placing it beneath his gavel. By this time, most of the gallery members had dismissed it as nothing, and had continued on their way out. Some, however, seemed to have wanted to watch a walnut being smashed by a gavel, and sat down again.

As Phoenix approached Polly Esther, she gave him an incredulous look.

"Does Ms Fey always act like this?" she questioned, as the judge brought the gavel down on the walnut.

"Yes" Phoenix replied with a grim smile, as Maya let out a cheer "She's a nut"

* * *

I know it's a bad pun. Shush. It's not like canon doesn't have its share of them ;D 


End file.
